Sta.sh
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~ The Phoenix ~
Prologue
The moon was high in the sky, and the light filtering through the clouds of dust gave to the battlefield looks surreal.
On the top of a skyscraper, a boy was thrown against the massive television antenna, his sword slipped away from his hand.
“You won't obtain anything acting like this, kid.” The woman walked over to him, her long black hair flowed animated by the wind.
“I… told you” he panted, while a trickle of blood ran down his forehead. "The successor of Clow… is me.” He tried to stand up, slightly groaning in pain, but his legs wouldn't move.
“Don't talk nonsense.” the woman huffed. She bent over him “Tell me who he is.”
The boy saw the lie wouldn't hold more. “Never” he said defiantly “Kill me, rather.”
The woman smirked “I could do it, you know? But then you'd be of no use to me.” Shaoran gritted his teeth in anger and frustration, clenching his jaw shut. She lifted his chin with her fingers. Staring into his brown-amber eyes, she said: “I respect you, Shaoran Li. I never wanted it to come to this. But you have forced my hand.”
Her gaze of fire seemed to get more intense, as if she was trying to run him through.
“Wha-..?”
Suddenly it was as if his head was splitting in two, the boy wanted to scream with all his strength, but his body didn't respond anymore. As she penetrated his mind, he saw his memories scroll behind his shut eyelids, until they stopped to the image of a beautiful girl. The girl slowly turned toward him, she winked and she pulled out of her school uniform's coat's pocket a deck of pink cards. Then, a name: </i>Sakura</i>. The young man felt a surge of satisfaction coming from the mind of his opponent, before it retired.
He fell to his knees, coughing breathlessly. He clenched his fists, shaking in anger. Damn it, no!
Lifting up his eyes, he realized that the woman was leaving. “What are you going to do, Shinobu?!” Shaoran asked, he got up with difficulty. He just couldn’t let that witch get to her. “I'm not done yet!“
“I have no interest in killing you, kid.” The witch replied calmly, turning her head slightly toward him, who could barely stood still leaning on the metal girder. “Who I want is that girl. And then, face it, you wouldn't be able to stop me even if a hundred years had passed..” She then turned, her body starting to glow as she used magic to hover in the air from the rooftop.
“Maybe I can't get rid of you…” he muttered “But I won't… I won't let you hurt her!”
With strength taken from who knows where, maybe from despair, he recovered his sword and with a fast twist of the wrist he evoked a magic seal under Shinobu, blocking her spell.
She turned around, crimson eyes widened in astonishment. “What are you doing?!”
“If you think I'll let you do what you want, think again!” the boy snarled. “Raitei Shourai!” he shouted, and from the sword he held parallel to the ground many lighting left and surrounded the woman. Shaoran pronounced a few words in Chinese, eyes shut in concentration, he took the sword with both hands and slammed it to the ground. A huge bolt of lightning sprang from the point of contact, making a high arc before crashing down into the centre of the magic symbol with a roar, right where Shinobu was. Some other bolts departed from the main lightning, reaching the ideograms on the tips of the magic circle. When the dazzling light went out, in her place there was only an ebony stone tablet, engraved with the same magic symbol.
Shaoran was panting, struggling to take air. The seal had taken too much energy from him. He fell to his knees, painfully holding on to the sword. At least… at least I gained a little time…
He weakly smiled to himself, then he collapsed to the ground, and the darkness surrounded him.
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I'll highlight some small grammar errors and give some suggestions.
I'd change the first sentence into "... the clouds made the battlefield look surreal (or unreal). For conversations, using accolades "..." works as well, and is used more often than <<. "But thus ... for me" might be better as "But then you'd be of no use to me..."
Then "I have... forcing me." into "I respect you, Shaoran Li. I never wanted it to come to this. But you have forced my hand."
"And then, ... hundred years." to "Face it, kid, you wouldn't be able to stop me even if a hundred years had passed."
"What are you doing?!?" either with ? or ?! (ditch the last ?).
Many lightning should be many flashes or bolts of lightning.
"A huge lightening... Shinobu was." to "A huge bolt of lightening sprang from the point of contact, making a high arc before crashing down into the centre of the magic symbol with a roar, right where Shinobu was."
"He weakly... became dark." to "He smiled weakly to himself, before collapsing on the ground and falling into darkness." OR "Then it turned dark."
Anyways, all in all it's a nice prologue, makes me want to read on. I think with some minor tweaking or revisions this can become even better.
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